Monday, February 25, 2013

My story on Drugs and Alcoholism!!!!!!

  Drugs and Alcoholism!!!!! 

I did Cocaine at age of 21 and was hooked.  I did it with one of my uncles, after I asked if I could join him; I did 2 nose full’s.   It felt good and gave me the best rush I ever had, and I felt energized.   My uncle told me not to   tell my grandma because he knew she did not ever want me to do it.    I said ok, but my late uncle pat who was also in the room did tell her.   After he told her, my grandma asked me if I did coke with my Uncle I lied and said no, but she knew by the powder under my nose.   So   I had to confess. and my mom and grandma got mad at me and my uncle.

I never did coke after that night, my grandma and mother made sure of it by watching my every move.    To get high, I tried snorting sugar or anything that looked like coke, but it did not work.   All that did was make my fucking nose hurt.  It was a nightmare, and I was stupid idiot to think it was fun. I am asking all of you to please not repent my mistakes.  

 I have smoked pot a few times, and think it should be legalize for all medical purposes.   My first time smoking pot was on vacation with my family in Tennessee, we all shared a blunt, and it made me hungry too.    There are so many assholes on TV right now who think pot is wrong and all that other crap that they jam down our throats.   But it is a plant, and   god made it for god’s sake. So stop bitching for no good reason.   I love that Meagan McCain is for it too!!   It should be legal because it helps so many sick people, people with cancer, glaucoma, arthritis, OCD, and beyond.  If I can ever grow marijuana, I will and I will also sell it to anyone who needs it.  But first we have to legalize it, so let’s keep fighting.  Let’s keep speaking out to idiots who think they can shut us up, or shut us out.


                I smoked cigarettes for a few years. The first time I smoked cigarettes I was in high school like most smokers, after I did it  for the first time in the school bathroom, I told my mom and she told me to never let her catch me.   Later she let me smoke in my room, and told me to make sure I never burn the bed. I never did burn the bed, and smoked like crazy.  Years later I quit smoking cigs altogether, and it was hard as hell. I went a little mad, was a little bitchy, and pissed people off. Looking back it was fun, but at the time it was  a fucking nightmare that I am glad it all over.

I come from a long line of smokers, and today I am one of the only ones who have the balls to quit, me my grandpa, and his girlfriend.  Everyone else sucks on a cigarette like it is a new candy bar made of tobacco, and carbon dioxide.         I hate it because they have no respect for me, they just smoke, and blow their smoke wherever I am those selfish smokers them.  It is not everyone, just some of them.     Today I only drink booze. Pot is not legal in my state, so I no longer break that rule.  I think the rest of the drugs I talked about, should be banned.



Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Being a gay and depressed outcast in high school!!!!!!

Enjoy reading what i wrote, and please give me any feedback you want.
Thank you


Being a gay and depressed outcast in high school!!!!!!


I went to two different High Schools my freshman year.     I had a few friends but, they later treated me like crap, and called me names behind my back.  Teachers liked me, but I was still was a smart ass.        In 10th grade at the age of sixteen, I went though bounds of Depression after coming to terms with my own childhood abuse, and at the same time coming to terms of my sexuality.

 The story of how I got raped is that, as a young child I got raped by a male teenager who lived next door to my grandma.  He took me to his backyard and forced me to have oral sex with him, by shoving his penis inside of me, in a truck that belonged to his father.  My mom discovered me walking home funny, and asked me to get ready for a bath, and then I was getting undressed;    she discovered my underwear was gone. She called the cops, but we did not press charges out of pity for the teenager, who was getting raped by his own fucking father.   I never saw that teenager again after that night.

 For years I blocked the rape out of my mind. But then the memory of it was so hard to live with, that it put me in a deep, dark depression.  I locked myself in my bedroom crying, and I  never came out for any reason, besides for using the bathroom and blowing my nose; I never ate or slept. I thought about committing suicide, but never tried to do anything that would kill me or put me in the hospital, I would just claw my skin, and scratch myself to hurt myself.

  My family worried about me, begged me non-stop to come out of my room, take a shower and eat, but I never would. This lasted for a few weeks.   A week or so later, I started seeing a psychiatrist named Lisa. In the School building twice a week during school hours. I would miss only a few minutes of class time, and I would to do homework because of it.   I was honest with her about everything regarding the abuse, and how my family was dealing with me being gay. The first person I came out to happen to be my aunt Gilda,  she was very supportive because her daughter is a lesbian.  But after I told my aunt, she took it among herself to tell everyone in the family, without my permission, so after the cat was out of the bag, I started to tell people too.  It was hard for my mother and her boyfriend though,   they did everything they could so I could not read, watch, or talk to gay people if they did not want me too.  It was a really bad time for all of us, but mostly me.   I was treated like a criminal just because I was gay.

 The only good part about the entire mess was that I had people on my side, supporting me 100% at school, from staff and students.  And some of the students were gay too, so they understood firsthand what I was dealing with.  It was not just my mother and her boyfriend Ben who had issues with me being gay; it was outer family members too. One of my uncle’s did not want me to tell my cousin I was gay. But I did anyway because   I wanted my cousin to know gay people were ok.  My uncle got mad, and talked to me about how he did not like me going his back and doing that. Looking back I realized what I did was wrong, I should have respected my uncles wishes even if I did not agree with it. But I felt I had to tell my cousin that what I was was not as bad as what my uncle was telling him it was. And that gay people were just like everyone else in this hell called life.  Every man in my family have asked me have I  ever had sex with a girl? And the answer is  I have never had sex with a girl, and do not think you have to in order to know if you’re gay or not. Now some of my family members who used to have trouble with me being gay have moved on, and some never will.