Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Roseanne Barr Live on KCAA Radio 12-15-13

Co- Host was Kathleen Wells.

Guest was author Christie Stark, Christie wrote a book called nickels a tale of dissociation.


Monday, December 9, 2013

Being in media, and what it has taught me article

Being in media, and what I have learned about it.     

 I always wanted to get into Media growing up, and watching The Roseanne Show and The Oprah Winfrey Show.  I liked other shows as well, but those two were the ones I really want to be one. I wanted Oprah to interview me about my family, and discuss my dreams of being famous in media. The only times I was ever on TV as a little kid  was when I went to a St Patrick’s Day Parade  dressed all in green, and the local networks filmed me. As a kid I would write little movies and plays, and family members would be my freelance actors. The stories I would create were just silly stuff, nothing that would change the world. It was fun!  People used to say about me, that boy is going to b famous doing something he loves. Or my grandma would say that that boy is going to make the rich money and I am going to move in with him.

   Then when I was a preteen I made my TV debut with my cousin Brittany when we did a bowling Commercial for a local TV station, which was an ABC affricate.  It was so much fun to learn behind the scenes secrets, three of the information’s I found out is stand still, look at the cameras, and say your line. They also said don’t change anything you say.     It aired the next week early in the morning, and my mom woke me up so I could watch myself. I hated how I looked, I was skinny and boney. Ugh!


 I had a video tape of it before my house fire in 1999.   I hope   people saw it, it only aired once.  I wish I could remember the date so I could add it to YouTube. Maybe one day the date will come to me in a dream, like everything else does sometimes.  After that show I was never invited back on the TV again like I hoped I would, but I kept waiting to b discovered. NO such luck!

      And then my dreams came true and I did not even have to relocate to New York or California.  I was watching TV one night and I saw  a TV Commercial  that there was going to be a new school opening up in Columbus for people who wanted to be broadcasters, the school was called The Ohio Center for Broadcasting.   The Ohio Center for Broadcasting had locations in only 3 states around the world, but this would b the first broadcasting campus in Columbus. I wanted to sign up, so I told mom about the school and the next day I scheduled an appointment.    I    heard that classes were set to start on March 17th 2008.  That night I thought to myself, I am not going to pass up doing something that’s going to make rich and famous.


  I got enrolled the next day.  The very first person I met was this woman who discovered Jerry Springer.  She was the lady who enrolled me, after interviewing me with mom in the room to see if I was the right student for the school. My classes were weekday mornings; we met 3 days a week. The classes were 4 hours long. We had breaks between classes and there was a break room, with a vending machine and a soda machine. There was also a microwave.

 My first instructor was a former local DJ named Jack, he taught all of us students so much about his own broadcasting life lessons.  I was shy and kept to myself a lot, but      I met a lot of people.       I graduated on January 2009. I did not graduate with my classmates because I did not have enough intern hours, so I graduated one month later. Looking back I was not always a good student, I used the computer and printer at the school for things that were always for the school and I am sorry I did that. I interned at 3 media networks 2 radio and 1 TV, and that was a learning experience in itself.


 Only 2 of those companies r still up and running like they did when I interned for them.  Since graduating, I have been a caller guest on a few shows and I enjoyed doing all of those shows when I did them.  One of the shows I did I feel asked me to come on so they could use my info as their own, and I have cut ties with them. All the others treated vary fairly.  I am still friends with the radio hosts who treated me fairly then, and still do today.  In 2010 My Life and business partner Marc Robinson and I created our company Robinson Ward New Media, and we did a short lived YouTube show that was geared as a news and cooking show.


 We filmed it in a duplex that marc used to live in.  We stopped doing it for 3 years, because a kid flooded our kitchen by overflowing our toilet.  Earlier this year we posted my grandma making homemade lasagna, and sauce which is what the last episode before the flood was all about. Now I have taken a break from radio shows, and just focusing on writings.   What I have learned about media? That nothing ever stays the same; it can change at any time. Be careful u trust to let u interview them, they may only b in it for themselves. 


The End

I am a lot of things, but bullshitter is not one of them

People have accused me of a lot of things being a pedo,  a bullshitter, unoriginal, the list goes on for miles and miles. I am a lot of things but none of those are it. I had to block twitter  users who call me a bullshitter, because it just gets tiresome to defend myself over and over to REAL bullshitters who don't truth from their own asses. I am a domestic god, who has OCD and other mental health issues, but I am not a bullshitter.  Now that you know the truth, run with it.

Thursday, December 5, 2013

What is a Domestic God?

A Domestic God is a male who is domestic around the house, he is also be the son or grandson of a Domestic Goddess. My mother is a Domestic Goddess.

Domestic Goddness Cooking Show 2003 Flashback!!

Roseanne Barr and her boyfriend Johnny Argent Did a short lived Show On ABC called The Real Roseanne. The Show after that was set to be called The Domestic Goddess Cooking Show. This was to b the theme song written and played by Johnny.

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Breaking the Faith Review By Christopher Michael Ward- with FOOTNOTES

On the Boarder of Utah and Arizona, is the FLDS Church. six young woman are trapped in the FLDS Church sect, and want out. They r told by the church that if they leave the sect, then they will b eternally  Damned. They want out so they can live a better life in the outside world. Four men who r shunned help the woman get out. The show is their story.

The Beginning of the show discussed the latest info on  FLDS Church, and Warren Jeff's. Warren Jeff's is in the jail. we also learn that    the FLDS teaches it's members that u dress the way we tell u, and u can't eat corn, sugar, or flour. The FLDS says u can't have cameras in the house, or your marked a trader.  Everyone in the sect prey their god, and are brain washed.

      Martha is 18, and  has 4 mothers and 24 sibs. http://www.tlc.com/tv-shows/breaking-the-faith/bios/about-martha-bio.htm   She  said that the prophet who is warren Jeff's,   taught us that the term keep sweet means stay nice when your told what to do.

  Zack is the age of  18, and  Zack has 9 moms and 62 sibs. His uncle is Lyle Jeff's, who is the brother to warren Jeff's. Zack was shunned in the church after being caught jacking off. He then decided to leave.   Here is more info about Zack  http://www.tlc.com/tv-shows/breaking-the-faith/bios/about-zack-bio.htm.

 Connie is 19 has 2 mothers and 18 sibs. Connie was born and raised in Short Creek, UT aka The Crick. Connie loves kids, and sewing. Here is more info about Connie http://www.tlc.com/tv-shows/breaking-the-faith/bios/about-connie-bio.htm.

Jake is 19 years old, has one mother and 11 sibs. Jake and his sister Valarie are part of the united order. Jake is always looking out for his family, and wants to show them what life is like in the outside world. Here is more info about  Jake http://www.tlc.com/tv-shows/breaking-the-faith/bios/about-jake-bio.htm.

Angie is 21 years old, has 1 mother and 18 sibs. Angie is a self-proclaimed tomboy, who loves hunting fishing and four wheeling. When The prophet took some of her hobbies away, she knew she had to b apart of the outside world. Angie hopes to spend time with kids in the outside world. Here is more information about Angie http://www.tlc.com/tv-shows/breaking-the-faith/bios/about-angie-bio.htm

Linda is 22 years old, with 32 mothers and 306 sibs.  Linda is the stepdaughter to Wendell Nielsen, formally one of the most powerful men in the church. Her choice to leave was not easy, but she wanted to b with her friends Angie and Connie. More info on Linda here

Valerie is 21 years old, with 1 mother and 11 sibs. Val and her brother Jake does not have multiple mothers because their father did not set strict enough values. because of this fact, the father did not get anymore wives. For more info on Val  http://www.tlc.com/tv-shows/breaking-the-faith/bios/about-val-bio.htm

Matt is 20 years old, and he has 9 mothers and 62 sibs. His father is Lyle Jeff's the bishop of short creek. Matt was formerly a member of god squad, a polygamist cult.  Matt wants to join the military.  More info on Matt here  http://www.tlc.com/tv-shows/breaking-the-faith/bios/about-matt-bio.htm

Ben is 20 years old, he has 2 mothers and 26 sibs. Ben got kicked of FLDS for fooling around with a girl, and has never looked back.  Ben wants to help other girls leave the sect, when they are ready.

for more info on the show go to this link  http://www.tlc.com/tv-shows/breaking-the-faith

Breaking The Faith Promo!!


writing a review about the TLC Show Breaking The Faith Here tonight

My online friend Troy Williams has a show starting tonight on TLC called Breaking The Faith at 10pm. I volunteered to write a review about it, because I love what Troy is doing in Utah. I have seen the promos for the show, and I will share the promo here  in my next post. The Review will b written here, and u can follow Troy on Twitter @TroyWilliamsSLC

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

My Call-in on The Jake Pentland Show- 11-09-13


I called in to The Jake Pentland Show, to discuss a little about ENDA- I am the last call on the show. The Show's Topic was Transgender Law with Shadi Petosky

Roseanne Live Video from 11-10-13

Roseanne Live with Host's Roseanne Barr, and Kathleen Wells- Guests are Dr. Phillip Caper and Wendell Potter

Saturday, November 9, 2013

Senate votes to pass ENDA!!

I support ENDNA not  just as a gay male, but also as a supporter for LGBT People all over this world.

Here is a link about it from the huff post on 11-7-2013

Info about Roseanne Live This Sunday 11-10-2013

Topic: HealthCare in America with Guests Dr. Phillip Caper and Wendell Potter. Roseanne will b co-hosting the show with Kathleen wells, and the show starts at 11amPST 2pmEST 9amHI on kcaaradio.com

 Here is info about the show from Roseanneworld.com http://www.roseanneworld.com/blog/2013/11/kcaa-sunday-november-10th-healthcare-america/

Info about Dr. Phillip Caper:

Info About Wendell Potter:

Saturday, November 2, 2013

Roseanne's Birthday Marathon on LOGO TV

Roseanne Barr turns 61 tomorrow, and LOGO is airing her all-time favorite episodes beginning at 12pmEST 11am central


Saturday, October 5, 2013

My Mental Health History!!!

I have had a lifetime of mental health disorders I have not gotten diagnosed with these yet, but I am pretty sure I have them. If I am ever proven wrong, then I will be the first to admit it.   I will be discussing the disorders in this chapter for many reasons; one is because I want people to be informed about the facts about mental illness. People who are not informed call people who are mentally ill names, and think it is all just a big joke. So I am here to say I do not fine mental health or disorders funny one bit, and I want nothing to do with these people who r so sick to think it is funny.  I will block them from my real life and on twitter if they contact me.


     Anyway I am going to start this discussion talking about Bipolar Disorder and Depression.   Bipolar Disorder and Bipolar Depression runs in my family. Besides for me, one of my grandmother’s is bipolar, she   is the only person in my family who I know has it.  She got diagnosed a few years ago.  Before she got diagnosed I always knew my grandma was bipolar because she would act totally different at times.  One minute she would b laughing and having a good time, the next she would be yelling and pissed off over the smallest little thing.  One time she even pulled a knife on someone in the family just because they tickled her.   That was scary, but no one got hurt.




      I am not sure when I myself  knew I had bipolar disorder;  But I do know that when you’re bipolar, you can  have unexplained break downs that can happen without any reason at all.  It makes you confused a lot, because you cannot think clearly, and u misjudge people and places.   When you’re bipolar you have to take each day one step at a time, and you have to pace yourself which is hard as hell when your mind is always racing. You also have unexplained mood swings that make your life shitty.   I also think my bipolar disorder caused my bad hand writing too as a kid.


   From the time I was in elementary school to the end of high school I would write notes down and it would look like chicken starch, so my teachers and family could not read it and would ask me to write it over again. I used to get so mad because I was sick of writing it over and over, and sometimes I would get a attitude that got me in trouble. So I had bad hand writing and a smart month, jeez life sucked.     I am a little better with my hand-writing now though, since I stay calm and focused with meditation.


  I also have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder [OCD] and I have had it all my life.   I have to be around stuff I love 24/7 365 days a year or I get very stressed out.  The first things I remember going OCD over were Books and Magazines.  I learned how to read at four years old, and I read tabloids newspapers and storybooks all the time. My favorite places to go    were libraries and bookstores around Columbus, Ohio.  My home’s away from home!      I really thought the tabloids I was reading were being truthful about everything they wrote about, and that they always told the truth about people in Hollywood.


  Then I realized how wrong I was for many years, even though the whole time I read them my mother kept telling me they were lies. Not everything they write is lies, only half.  My grandma Penny read them too, and that’s when my obsession with tabloid started, when I would steal her copies and read them.  I still read them today as much as I can.


   At the same time, my obsession with TV shows started. The very first show I watched was Roseanne, and I watched for all the season’s 1-9, which ended in 1997 when I was nine.  I still watch the reruns. I also loved watching the talk shows of the time, and I would watch them with my two grandmas’ [my mom’s mother, and my dad’s mother.]   me and my nana, who is my mom’s mom  also watched  soap operas too; Luke and Laura were my favorite soap stars!  Today I am addicted to HLN, and Free Speech TV.  I love watching The Thom Hartmann Show, and Democracy Now!  Love watching Nancy Grace  on HLN.  I  am also obsessed  with Forensic shows, people tell me I should b a forensic scientists because I know so much about forensic science.


   I hate germs and wash my hands 15 times a day.  I do not like shaking hands; when I do have to shake hands, I wash my hands right after I am done. I’d rather hug someone or do the fists pump instead of shake hands, but men always  get mad at me when I give them a fist pump, because they are obsessed with shaking hands after they scratch their balls. LOL!  I love shaking someone’s hands if they r clean though.  Because of my fear of germs, I also do my best to wipe down every door knob in my house, and everything I touch in the house too. My boyfriend Marc is also OCD.


   I had issues with PTSD for many years. PTSD stands for Post- Traumatic Stress Disorder, and It started after my former step-dad Rick started being mentally abusive towards me and my mother. He was not always like that, and was nice to mom and I for years. I am not sure what triggered him to change, maybe a chemical imbalance? Only he knows that answer.  He would call us names, and one time he even flicked me on the back of my head when he saw me rocking back and forth on the couch. I told my mom that he flicked me on the back of the head, but all she said was you know we do like you rocking, now quit rocking. She never confronted him or anything; at least I don’t think so. I do not remember really.


   After he stated being abusive and after he flicked me like that, I always feared him, and did not like being around me for anything at anytime.  My mom would make me b nice to him but inside my mind I hated him, and even gave him the evil eye a lot.  One time when my mother was trying to teach me how to swim, he threw me into a swimming pool knowing that I did not know how to swim. I never learned how to swim after that, because it would flash me back to that day. I still do not know how.  Mom did yell at him for that one.


My mom made excuses for him most of the time he mistreated us, and that made me more depressed, having no one to turn to in that house for support.  Mom and I were under the mind control of Rick, and I wanted out.


    Mom finally asked rick for divorce, but he would not give it to her. I think he thought he could control us like his friend Satan, for the rest of our lives.  Then the house we lived in caught on fire on July 4th 1999, and it was like something out of a Hollywood movie. The fire started in the garage, and worked its way to the second floor.  Mom and I were returning from my birthday party with family, as I was turning eleven.  Rick left a note on the kitchen table that mom and I found when we walked in the door   saying he was golfing, but mom knew he was really cheating on her as he had before.


      Long story short Mom and I made it out alive with our pet dog we had   named precious, but we lost everything else we had including pet hamsters.  We had nothing but the clothes on our back.  Mom thought then, and still thinks today that rick started the fire, but there is no evidence of that, the fire fighters said it was bad wiring in the garage.       Anyway that fire made my PTSD hit a all-time high, and I would get nightmares and have really bad flashbacks when I saw any type of fire on the news or in person. I could not go to any type of Japanese restaurants because they cooked the food in front of you.


   One of my grandpa’s also has PTSD. He got his from being  in the Vietnam War.  He sometimes has nightmares and gets depressed over things he did in the war, like kill innocent children.  My grandpa takes medication for his PTSD, but Meditation helped me get cured after years of meditating.  My grandfather claims he is not the meditating kind, but I think if he gave it a shot he would feel better.  A lot of vet’s r not told about meditation, and I think that needs to change. Meditation over medication for vets everywhere!


     ADD stands for Attention Deficit Disorder, and       I know I have it because I am a show-off and as is everyone in my family.  ADD has its good times and bad times; I love the good moments the best. I love being funny and crazy like I really am. LOL! I love dancing around my house, and singing at the top of my lungs PEOPLE HAVE THE POWER! PEOPLE HAVE THE POWER! That song is made by Patti smith. I love making people laugh too, by making faces and being a smart ass. I used to get smacked in the mouth by my mother, and grandmothers’ for being a rude smart ass though.

   I think the worst disorder I have ever had is DID. DID stands for Dissociative Ideality Disorder. Also known as SPD Split Personally Disorder.      I am not sure when this started; I think after my rape.     But I always felt like two other people lived inside me.  I would think say or do something using different names and then forget it ever happen. At first it would happen without warning and I would just disassociate, everyone would tell me what I did but I would have no memory doing it. This happen for years.  Then when  I finally knew who they were, we became friends. I have two ppl inside me. I did not choose to have this disorder; and it is not something I made up. That is what people who do not understand this disorder says and it is A LIE!  I am intergraded from DID with meditation, but they r still a part of me. 



Thursday, July 4, 2013

I will be on Xandermonium this Sunday July 7th 2013!!

The Show is called Back off You Bullies, and It will air at  5pmEST 2pm PST 10pmUK on Blogtalk Radio. Hope you all tune in.

Thank you

Love CMW

Show Link:  http://www.blogtalkradio.com/xandermonium/2013/07/07/xandermonium

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

June 25th-CMW Day

I had a blast on The Rob and Trav Show- and I thank everyone who listened and called in. When the podcast is up, I will post it here and on twitter. Follow me on  twitter @ChrisMichaelW

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Christopher Michael Ward will be on The Rob and Trav Show June 25th 2013!!

Christopher Michael Ward will be on The Rob and Trav Show Tuesday June 25th 2013 to discuss his career in media and The cult of CMW

robandtrav.com 9pm EST 6PM PST


Tuesday, June 11, 2013

My Thoughts on Current Events for 6-11-13


My Thoughts on Current Events

This blog post will be about 3 Current Event news stories of the day, along with my option. If this gets good reading’s I will do it again.  


1            Apple’s New I phone 5:

Apple has a new I phone 5 out where they have a activation button called kill switch. Now I ask you  Am I the only one who is scared as hell about this button? I mean it sounds like something out of the movie zero dark thirty. Apple says it helps people not steal your phone, but do u think there is more to it? Like maybe it is a new way for the government to spy on us, or even worse kill us?  This is the only link I can find about the phone http://www.apple.com/iphone/


2            The George Zimmerman Trial Jury Section :


George Zimmerman is on trial for the Murder of Trayvon Martin and today was the second day of jury selection.  The first day of Jury selection the jurors who were selected admitted to following the case in some way, so then the jury who were on a sidebar was questioned. They also admitted to following the case in some way, so now we have to find jurors who know nothing about the case. That is going to b hard and maybe impossible since all the media outlets cover the case. We have to wait and see what happens.  Here is a link about the story from HLN http://www.hlntv.com/article/2013/06/11/potential-zimmerman-jurors-quizzed-media.



3            Weed, and the price of Weed:

First of all let me remind people that the war on weed is still going on. People r going to jail for weed every day, and people who go to jail for weed are also making our house paint. I support cannabis, and I need cannabis for mental health reasons and body pain.  Cannabis is not legal in a lot of states, and I have found this link from Rolling Stone Magazine about how each state is issuing making cannabis legal. Read the link below, and tweet me your thoughts on twitter @ChrisMichaalW.


Thanks for reading!  Peace!




Thursday, April 25, 2013

Roseanne On The Office TONIGHT!!!!

Roseanne plays Carla Fern tonight on The Office, Carla helps Andy with his acting dream. The Show airs on NBC. Check your local listing for showtimes. This will be Roseanne's 2nd office episode. SET YOUR DVR NOW!!!

Saturday, April 13, 2013

My Views on Transgender People 4/13/13

My Views on Transgender People!!!!                             4/13/13    Edited on 4/30/13

I wanted to write about My Views on Transgender People, because I want everyone to know that I accept them as friends.  Please read the following, and give me any feedback you want.  I will not accept any hate mail towards transgender people, but I will accept questions or comments about them, or from them.  You send them to my twitter page @chrismichaelw, and i will answer them on there as well.  Enjoy Readers!!!

Transgender people get bullied and mistreated then most of and worse than anyone else in the GLBT Community. It is because of the gender issue,and the fact that people who not open minded are bullies to  transgender people  because they do not understand that people want to  change their sex .  I  recently met Toni Newman on twitter, toni  is a transgender staff writer for huff post. She wrote this nice article on being transgender in the world today. Look it up!!  I believe people have a right to b whoever they want to be. I also believe that if they want a sex change operation they have that right to get it done, without being killed, bullied, or beat up.

 Anyone who beats up or kills transgender people need to go to jail for their crimes. We need to learn to get along with people who do not look, dress, or think the way we do America, so let’s start now!  The world is tough enough without us acting like a bunch of fools,  stop and think before you act and talk.  I know not everyone can do this, as trolls and hateful robots do not have a brain or soul, but I am talking to them anyway hoping they can get the message.  I will not stop speaking up about the transgender people of the world, and I will stand by them, and help them anyway i can.  Be a good american brother and sister, and support these people.  Do not be a jerk, be smart thinker!!




From your friend Christopher Michael Ward

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Roseanne Barr 2016!!!!

If you really want change to come and am sick of obama's bullshit, Then help me get Roseanne on all ballots. It is up to us the voters.  Follow Roseanne Barr on Twitter @TheRealRoseanne. Go to Roseanneworld.com. Roseanne Barr can fix this shit!!!

This Week's Goddness Gazette by Roseanne Barr


I was even part of the gazette.

Monday, February 25, 2013

My story on Drugs and Alcoholism!!!!!!

  Drugs and Alcoholism!!!!! 

I did Cocaine at age of 21 and was hooked.  I did it with one of my uncles, after I asked if I could join him; I did 2 nose full’s.   It felt good and gave me the best rush I ever had, and I felt energized.   My uncle told me not to   tell my grandma because he knew she did not ever want me to do it.    I said ok, but my late uncle pat who was also in the room did tell her.   After he told her, my grandma asked me if I did coke with my Uncle I lied and said no, but she knew by the powder under my nose.   So   I had to confess. and my mom and grandma got mad at me and my uncle.

I never did coke after that night, my grandma and mother made sure of it by watching my every move.    To get high, I tried snorting sugar or anything that looked like coke, but it did not work.   All that did was make my fucking nose hurt.  It was a nightmare, and I was stupid idiot to think it was fun. I am asking all of you to please not repent my mistakes.  

 I have smoked pot a few times, and think it should be legalize for all medical purposes.   My first time smoking pot was on vacation with my family in Tennessee, we all shared a blunt, and it made me hungry too.    There are so many assholes on TV right now who think pot is wrong and all that other crap that they jam down our throats.   But it is a plant, and   god made it for god’s sake. So stop bitching for no good reason.   I love that Meagan McCain is for it too!!   It should be legal because it helps so many sick people, people with cancer, glaucoma, arthritis, OCD, and beyond.  If I can ever grow marijuana, I will and I will also sell it to anyone who needs it.  But first we have to legalize it, so let’s keep fighting.  Let’s keep speaking out to idiots who think they can shut us up, or shut us out.


                I smoked cigarettes for a few years. The first time I smoked cigarettes I was in high school like most smokers, after I did it  for the first time in the school bathroom, I told my mom and she told me to never let her catch me.   Later she let me smoke in my room, and told me to make sure I never burn the bed. I never did burn the bed, and smoked like crazy.  Years later I quit smoking cigs altogether, and it was hard as hell. I went a little mad, was a little bitchy, and pissed people off. Looking back it was fun, but at the time it was  a fucking nightmare that I am glad it all over.

I come from a long line of smokers, and today I am one of the only ones who have the balls to quit, me my grandpa, and his girlfriend.  Everyone else sucks on a cigarette like it is a new candy bar made of tobacco, and carbon dioxide.         I hate it because they have no respect for me, they just smoke, and blow their smoke wherever I am those selfish smokers them.  It is not everyone, just some of them.     Today I only drink booze. Pot is not legal in my state, so I no longer break that rule.  I think the rest of the drugs I talked about, should be banned.



Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Being a gay and depressed outcast in high school!!!!!!

Enjoy reading what i wrote, and please give me any feedback you want.
Thank you


Being a gay and depressed outcast in high school!!!!!!


I went to two different High Schools my freshman year.     I had a few friends but, they later treated me like crap, and called me names behind my back.  Teachers liked me, but I was still was a smart ass.        In 10th grade at the age of sixteen, I went though bounds of Depression after coming to terms with my own childhood abuse, and at the same time coming to terms of my sexuality.

 The story of how I got raped is that, as a young child I got raped by a male teenager who lived next door to my grandma.  He took me to his backyard and forced me to have oral sex with him, by shoving his penis inside of me, in a truck that belonged to his father.  My mom discovered me walking home funny, and asked me to get ready for a bath, and then I was getting undressed;    she discovered my underwear was gone. She called the cops, but we did not press charges out of pity for the teenager, who was getting raped by his own fucking father.   I never saw that teenager again after that night.

 For years I blocked the rape out of my mind. But then the memory of it was so hard to live with, that it put me in a deep, dark depression.  I locked myself in my bedroom crying, and I  never came out for any reason, besides for using the bathroom and blowing my nose; I never ate or slept. I thought about committing suicide, but never tried to do anything that would kill me or put me in the hospital, I would just claw my skin, and scratch myself to hurt myself.

  My family worried about me, begged me non-stop to come out of my room, take a shower and eat, but I never would. This lasted for a few weeks.   A week or so later, I started seeing a psychiatrist named Lisa. In the School building twice a week during school hours. I would miss only a few minutes of class time, and I would to do homework because of it.   I was honest with her about everything regarding the abuse, and how my family was dealing with me being gay. The first person I came out to happen to be my aunt Gilda,  she was very supportive because her daughter is a lesbian.  But after I told my aunt, she took it among herself to tell everyone in the family, without my permission, so after the cat was out of the bag, I started to tell people too.  It was hard for my mother and her boyfriend though,   they did everything they could so I could not read, watch, or talk to gay people if they did not want me too.  It was a really bad time for all of us, but mostly me.   I was treated like a criminal just because I was gay.

 The only good part about the entire mess was that I had people on my side, supporting me 100% at school, from staff and students.  And some of the students were gay too, so they understood firsthand what I was dealing with.  It was not just my mother and her boyfriend Ben who had issues with me being gay; it was outer family members too. One of my uncle’s did not want me to tell my cousin I was gay. But I did anyway because   I wanted my cousin to know gay people were ok.  My uncle got mad, and talked to me about how he did not like me going his back and doing that. Looking back I realized what I did was wrong, I should have respected my uncles wishes even if I did not agree with it. But I felt I had to tell my cousin that what I was was not as bad as what my uncle was telling him it was. And that gay people were just like everyone else in this hell called life.  Every man in my family have asked me have I  ever had sex with a girl? And the answer is  I have never had sex with a girl, and do not think you have to in order to know if you’re gay or not. Now some of my family members who used to have trouble with me being gay have moved on, and some never will.


Thursday, January 31, 2013

Growing Up The only Jewish Person in an ALL Catholic Family!! UPDATED!!!

As some of you may know, this blog was planned to be a book, and this was to be chapter one . I updated this last night. Enjoy!!

 Chapter One                                                            Updated on 1-30-13


Growing Up   The only Jewish Person in an All Catholic Family!!


 My mother and father met and fell in love, my mom was sixteen, and my dad was seventeen.     My dad worked part- time as a paper boy before going to school every day, and mom worked at a pizza house, making pizzas. They were first loves.    When my mom was pregnant,   my grandma did not know, until a family member told her.  [I come from a long line of big mouths.]   After she found out she was upset, and she confronted my mother asking mom to see her belly.  My mom tried to stop her until my grandma pushed on to her bed, and lifted her shirt.  Mom was in her 6th month too.  My grandma did not want my mom knocked up at the age of sixteen, but there was no way in hell she was going to let mom give me away or have a abortion either. So after a while my grandma dealt with it ok.


  The night my mom’s water broke she and her best friend Judy was walking home.  When they got there, they told my grandma and she said you need to get some rest now, you have a long way to go before you’re ready to give birth.  My mom did, but never slept, she and Judy just talked.    A few hours later my mother told my grandmother, I want to go to the hospital.  Once they got there and got settled in to their hospital room, my mom made my grandma rub her back and belly over and over, because she was in so much pain.   After doing this for a long time, my grandma got tired of rubbing my mother’s back, and said Becky; I am going to get a cup of coffee now.  It was while my grandma got her coffee in the hospital cafeteria, that I was ready to come into the world, and make myself noticed.    Since my grandma was not around, my aunt was the one who helped my mom push me out.  My grandma missed the whole thing over that damn cup of coffee.


 So I was born in Columbus Oho on July 7th 1988, at 7:10am.  I was born prematurely and was so tiny that people only held me with only one hand.   I could not hold down formula, baby food, and my mother was unable to breast feed.  The doctors told my family they were going to gave me 30 days to either gain weight, or die.   After staying in the hospital for a few weeks and still not gaining weight, my grandma took me home and fed me human food mashed up in a blender.    I held it down pretty good, so I stated eating the food every day, and put on so much weight that family members called me butter ball. They also told me I could be a football player if I kept the weight on, and made me do all of the hand signals that the referees do at the games.

A week after I put the weight on  I went to a doctor’s check up, the entire hospital staff almost shit their pants when they saw that the tiny sick boy, was now a chubby healthy kid.   I remember everyone clapped, as I walked down the hall, and into the doctor’s office. It was so cool!!  The one thing I wish I could remember is what my doctor’s name was, but fuck it!     If it was not for my grandma’s cooking, I would not be here today telling this heartfelt, story to all of u wonderful readers.


      My only best friends were my older cousin Brittney, and God.   Brittney and I grew up like brother and sister, and we are one year apart, she being the oldest.  We would play hide and seek in the park and other stuff we enjoyed doing.   Brittany always had more friends than me, but I think her friends liked me too.  That or they were just good actors!  Who knows or cares anymore? They liked her the most.

  Britney always bossed me around, and I hated it. But later after we became pre teens, we both bullied our younger cousins, so I guess it runs in our family.  LOL!     After years of having a bond with Brittany, we drifted apart, when she started dating her boyfriend at the time. I always thought her boyfriend looked, and acted like a thug, of course I was right on paper.   I won’t publish his name!  They are no longer together, but have 3 kids who I love very much!  I hope they grow up and get a job where they can express themselves just like me.   Britney and I still do not have a bond, for reasons I am not ready to discuss in public yet, but we do get along.  I hope one day she and I will become close again, but I do not think it will be soon.

I have always talked to god.  I am not sure when it started; I just know that god has always talked to me in my mind, and has answered whatever question I have.   Family members never understood this, and thought I was crazy when they saw me talking to myself alone in a room, or wherever I was.   They would ask me who in the hell are u talking to?  You look nuts, doing that.  My answers always were I was just talking to myself, because I knew they would not understand my connection with god, and they don’t.  God has helped me with a lot, and we are still close.  Now the thing that most people do not understand that god is a women.  Why do I think god is a woman? Well because when I talk to god, my inner female gets stronger, and I see things from female's point of view.   Everyone has a right to have an opinion, but this is mine.



  Although I was baptized catholic by my family as a baby, as a kid I always felt like a black sheep!!  , And I did not think what they taught was right, and I was never going to call myself that word.  There is a lot of shit I do not agree with them on, that is the   same with the Jewish faith too.   I have known I have always been Jewish, I just do not know how I knew.  I do however think god knew I was Jewish, how else do you explain my big nose? LOL! I am just kidding prudes!   I never liked how the Catholic Church would say gay people were living in sin and will burn in hell, like they did when I grew up.  I would think shut the fuck up!  A lot of them still l say it today, but now I think it is because the catholic priest are having sex with altar boys, and hiding behind god.


     I have lesbians in my family, and those comments by the church pissed me off, so bad that it made me not want to be around them.  I am by no means saying all Catholic priests are bad people or that the Catholic Church is bad either. What  I am  saying is I grew up thinking that the priests I was around, was going to make me have butt sex with them.  I was wrong, I admit that now.  I am also Irish and Italian, and my grandma on my mom’s side makes some yummy Italian food.   I just remember   having fun talking with God and hanging with Brittany.


I am and have always been Looney, and crazy.  When I was about 5 years old I got stuck in a toilet, and someone had to cut the pot in half so I could get off of it. What kind of crazy shit is that?   I also drank rubbing alcohol that I found in my grandparents medicine cabinet once, I had to get my stomach pumped. Also Brittany and I used to fight all the time when we were growing up, but that is normal in a dysfunctional family like mine.   Now maybe you see why I say my family is funny, and needs to be on TV.  I will talk more about them on another day, but now let’s move on.