Being a gay and depressed outcast in high school!!!!!!

Enjoy reading what i wrote, and please give me any feedback you want.

 

Thank you

   

Being a gay and depressed outcast in high school!!!!!!

 

I went to two different High Schools my freshman year.     I had a few friends but, they later treated me like crap, and called me names behind my back.  Teachers liked me, but I was still was a smart ass.        In 10^th grade at the age of sixteen, I went though bounds of Depression after coming to terms with my own childhood abuse, and at the same time coming to terms of my sexuality.

 The story of how I got raped is that, as a young child I got raped by a male teenager who lived next door to my grandma.  He took me to his backyard and forced me to have oral sex with him, by shoving his penis inside of me, in a truck that belonged to his father.  My mom discovered me walking home funny, and asked me to get ready for a bath, and then I was getting undressed;    she discovered my underwear was gone. She called the cops, but we did not press charges out of pity for the teenager, who was getting raped by his own fucking father.   I never saw that teenager again after that night.

 For years I blocked the rape out of my mind. But then the memory of it was so hard to live with, that it put me in a deep, dark depression.  I locked myself in my bedroom crying, and I  never came out for any reason, besides for using the bathroom and blowing my nose; I never ate or slept. I thought about committing suicide, but never tried to do anything that would kill me or put me in the hospital, I would just claw my skin, and scratch myself to hurt myself.

  My family worried about me, begged me non-stop to come out of my room, take a shower and eat, but I never would. This lasted for a few weeks.   A week or so later, I started seeing a psychiatrist named Lisa. In the School building twice a week during school hours. I would miss only a few minutes of class time, and I would to do homework because of it.   I was honest with her about everything regarding the abuse, and how my family was dealing with me being gay. The first person I came out to happen to be my aunt Gilda,  she was very supportive because her daughter is a lesbian.  But after I told my aunt, she took it among herself to tell everyone in the family, without my permission, so after the cat was out of the bag, I started to tell people too.  It was hard for my mother and her boyfriend though,   they did everything they could so I could not read, watch, or talk to gay people if they did not want me too.  It was a really bad time for all of us, but mostly me.   I was treated like a criminal just because I was gay.

 The only good part about the entire mess was that I had people on my side, supporting me 100% at school, from staff and students.  And some of the students were gay too, so they understood firsthand what I was dealing with.  It was not just my mother and her boyfriend Ben who had issues with me being gay; it was outer family members too. One of my uncle’s did not want me to tell my cousin I was gay. But I did anyway because   I wanted my cousin to know gay people were ok.  My uncle got mad, and talked to me about how he did not like me going his back and doing that. Looking back I realized what I did was wrong, I should have respected my uncles wishes even if I did not agree with it. But I felt I had to tell my cousin that what I was was not as bad as what my uncle was telling him it was. And that gay people were just like everyone else in this hell called life.  Every man in my family have asked me have I  ever had sex with a girl? And the answer is  I have never had sex with a girl, and do not think you have to in order to know if you’re gay or not. Now some of my family members who used to have trouble with me being gay have moved on, and some never will.